As a 22-year-old who’s never been in a “real” relationship I’ve experienced my fair share of Valentine’s Days as a single lady—all of them.
While I love jamming to the classic “Single Ladies” by Beyonce’, proudly putting my hands up and proclaiming to the world the freedom of my relationship status, I can’t deny that I experience a particular pang in my heart around this holiday.
We live in a world saturated by emotionally driven romance. We’re taught from a young age that unless you’re dating, or at the very least in pursuit of some sort of romantic endeavor, there’s something seriously wrong with you. Our culture is obsessed with the dating scene. I mean, just look at the mania surrounding shows like “The Bachelor.” To a certain degree this persistent emphasis on romance makes sense because after all, we were made for love (it’s just that our society doesn’t seem to have a clue what true love is all about). Valentine’s Day, it turns out, has become the pinnacle of our culture’s infatuation with romance.
It’s hard enough being single in our society on a regular basis; Valentine’s Day only seems to add insult to injury. It’s as if everyone in the entire world managed to find a sweetheart for this day. Typical.
I was recently in Confession spewing out my frustrations about having to patiently wait for Mr. Right to show up on God’s time when the priest gave me one of the best penances I have ever received. He told me that I needed to offer up the ache of my desire to be in a relationship for the sanctification of my future spouse. Whoa.
See here’s the thing, if I indeed am called to marriage, my future husband is out there somewhere in this messed-up world right now. He’s not a made-up mythical creature. He’s a real human being, with real flaws and real tendencies to sin. And he needs my prayers right now. If he’s anything like me, he’s going to need all the help he can get to grow in holiness.
My time being single is not in vain and it’s not an accident; it has a purpose in the eyes of God. God makes no mistakes. If God wants me to be single right now, and endure another Valentine’s Day without an earthly man at my side, it’s for a reason. He’s always working on my heart and He’s working on my future husband’s heart too. I just need to trust in His plan and in the meantime work on becoming a holier version of myself.
So when I go out to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year, it’ll be with my girlfriends instead of a boyfriend. And when I start to feel that ache of single-hood kicking in, I’ll offer it up and know that this tiny cross I bear now is helping me grow in virtue and helping my future husband become the man God wants him to be.
Catholic Realist 