As young Catholics, the “v” word gets thrown at us from every direction—especially in college. We’re told that it’s important to figure out what we’re supposed to be doing with our lives. College students change their majors left and right, they date around, and they’re constantly asking: “Where do I belong?!”
But asking God what He wants isn’t a bad thing, just the opposite is true; it’s great! We ultimately belong to Him and it is our obligation as young Catholics to ask the question: “God, what do You desire for my life?”
However, the prospect of figuring out what God wants for your life can definitely be terrifying. It can seem like a dark foreboding cloud that ominously hangs in the unknown future.
As a young person that has been actively searching for the Lord’s will, I know all about this scary dark cloud.
I’ve been attracted to the religious life since high school. During my time in college my discernment definitely matured and took on an increased seriousness. Religious life was no longer something that I randomly thought about or took lightly. I was (and I still am) deeply concerned with my vocation because my greatest desire is to carry out the Lord’s will. I see it as my duty as a Christian to follow His will for my life, whatever that may be.
The past four years of discernment have been laden with a lot of pain and frustration as I’ve desperately searched for the ever-elusive will of God.
I have felt incredibly lost at different times during my vocational journey, experiencing a certain sense of hopelessness, believing I would never find God’s calling for me. Sometimes I felt as though I was drowning in a sea of endless questions, with answers that never came, and I was incredibly afraid of suffocating in this sea of uncertainty. That’s why there even came a time when this restlessness affected me to such an alarming degree that I fell into a state of depression. I would stay in bed for entire days, I skipped class, I lost my appetite, I distanced myself from my friends, and I even began to question my faith all together. With the help of some amazing priests, awesome sisters, the saints, my friends and family, and a million other random sources I read, I have come to learn the value in waiting.
My vocation used to be a major source of stress in my life, causing me great anxiety. But God, in His infinite mercy, has given me loads of grace to be able to accept where I am right now.
I don’t know what my vocation is, and that’s ok. God has a plan and He has a time to reveal it: everything in-between is just as valuable. I’ve come to know that vocation isn’t necessarily about finding an answer. I was born with the answer within me; God etched it into my heart at the moment He thought me up within His Divine Imagination. I don’t have to work at “discovering” my vocation, God will bring me to it whenever He sees fit. I just have to trust that He’s there, waiting for the right time to give me my present to unwrap! He’s guiding me every step of the way. And even though the pain of waiting and searching is real, it’s good for me because it draws me closer into His love.
In the end, growing with God is the ultimate goal, so I feel like I’m in a good place. As long as I’m learning more about my Lord and falling deeper in love with Him, I’m headed in the right direction. Discerning my vocation has helped me grow in patience, it has helped me learn to listen, and most importantly it has helped me fall in love with Jesus! I wouldn’t trade the scars on my heart for anything.
Wait
by Russell Kelfer
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate…
And the Master so gently said, “Wait.”
“Wait? You say wait?” my indignant reply.
“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why.
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I’m claiming your Word.
“My future, and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to ‘wait’?
I’m needing a ‘yes,’ a go-ahead sign,
Or even a ‘no,’ to which I can resign.
“You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I’ve been asking, and this is my cry:
I’m weary of asking: I need a reply!”
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied again, “Wait.”
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God; “So I’m waiting, for what?”
He seemed then to kneel and His eyes met with mine…
And He tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun,
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
“I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want, but you wouldn’t know Me.
You’d not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You’d not know the power that I give to the faint.
“You’d not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there.
You’d not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.
“You’d never experience that fullness of love
When the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
“The glow of My comfort late into the night’
The faith that I give when you walk without sight;
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
“You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I’m doing in you.
“So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know Me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still…wait.”
Catholic Realist 